hiya boyfriend.
it's me, Lindsay, your girlfriend.



I'm happy. boys make me happy as well as insane. hi ho, hi ho, it's off to shower I go.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."-President Lincoln

I'm seeking professional help and I definitely think it's the right thing to do.

TGIF. caitlin comes in one week at 8am. I'm totally pumped. I miss having her around.


tbs has gotten me through a lot. old stuff, I don't know their new stuff. Thanks guys. Thanks.

you asked me to put my life on hold for you.


I did. For three months.


I asked you to understand that I'm putting mine on hold.


You couldn't do it. Not even a day.





congrats. congrats. congrats.

Everything I do seems to be all wrong.

my legs hurt.

Well hers is a tonic and mine is a gin.


Things have started going my way and I'm happy to say that. Just when that happens, I piss everyone off. You know what though, screw it. If they're mad at me there is nothing that I can do about the whole thing so I'm just not even going to bother.

I'm getting my hair done on Monday.


I want something new for my new look on life.


Life is great these days. Life is great.

MORE THAN ANYTHING I HATE WORKING IN THIS GROUP IN MY PHOTO CLASS. such lack of organization and nothing I can do about it.

I need to

learn where to

I
AM
NOT
WAITING
ANYMORE.





so long. i bid you farewell.

do you want to touch me?

it was my mom's birthday.

I wish I were there at Maggiano's eating tiramisu (even though I HATE it) and eating tons of pasta with my family. I don't know what it is.. I really miss them. Maybe it's because I miss having the feeling that someone wants me and wants me there.

No one seems to want me here.

I wonder why that is.


tomorrow is my day off of everything (life, work, school) and I was hoping to spend it with artie. that's a negative. not happening.


Instead, I'll probably go buy a new pair of shoes and a shirt or two. Something wintery. Maybe I'll go find a Nordstrom somewhere and go crazy. Probably not, just pay off credit card bills, cell phone bill, and macys bill.






this is my life. get used to it lindsay doodle pop.

i want to vomit.

ob la di ob la dah life goes on .. la da da da life goes on.

what are we?

I just don't know what to do with myself.

How easily my head flips and flops around is sheer justification that I am a little bit uneasy or possibly a nutcase. Hopefully it's not the later of the two.

One day I'll be fine, the next day I won't be, the day after that I'm fine again. It's always, always, always the same thing bothering me. I won't go into it, because frankly, I feel that I've gone into it way too many times. I just don't know anymore.

fudge.

I really miss Michigan and the food and people and all of that jazz that's going on there. I guess I'm just ready to move on with my life and honestly I wish that I had some security. That's life though, take whatever comes at you, no security.

The lease expires on the apartment soon, we're moving out. Keeping it in Brooklyn, unless we MAGICALLY find a super affordable (and I won't say cheap because I learned in school that it's a no-no word) apartment in the city. People are always shocked that I have this huge, massive, tourist destination to call my home and yeah, it's great at times but at others it's the same as being downtown Detroit or in Butte, Montana. It all gets to be the same after a while. I don't know if it's a change of setting that I need or just a change of lifestyle.. but something's got to give. I'm not happy. I don't know if I'm ever truly happy, I may just be fooling myself.

The people at my school are not my friends. My boyfriend isn't really my boyfriend. My life isn't really all that enjoyable. Things are becoming mundane, and I don't know what to do about it.


it's all about you and although you do not read this. it's all about you.

:)

everything is feelin' groovy.

oh the fratellis.

I kind of am at a loss of what to do.

not enough time.

I do not want to be lonely but I don't think that this will end up working. I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and try a bit longer.



pessimistic.

sometimes, I'd rather just be alone.

work
school
work
school
sit
work
work
school
school
work
eat
work
school
die.



when can I fit you in?



well, off to work now. duh. I don't know if I have any clean underwear. I know that I don't have money to do laundry though. Handwashing undergarments doesn't seem clean to me.. ew. ew ew. crunchy undies.

well two steps for applying to study for a year are done. Well, three, just I need to print out my essay. Essay- CHECK. Recommendation letters (4)- almost CHECK. Application- CHECK. Interview/Dars/Audit- NOT COMPLETE.

I have no reason to want to stay in New York anymore.. besides school. I wonder where I'll end up in two years when I'm completely done?!



p.s. i'm really super lonely. lonely and unhappy. i cried last night. i can't do this anymore. i am sick of being on the back burner. i am important too. i swear it. i am a good person and i don't know if anyone actually sees that.