DETROIT = <3 !

Okay, love Detroit.

warped tour yesterday, fun. I got to see Artie which was extremely nice (even though he was having a shit day and I couldn't do anything to make it better). Then, my phone broke had to go to Verizon and get a new one.. :/ Dang KRZR. Then, went and packed up a picnic to meet Artie downtown again and have dinner on the Detroit River (at Hart Plaza). I was trying to be cute and romantic (since I'm usually the opposite) .. I don't think it worked. Then after I dropped him off I went and back home to end up meeting Caitlin (her finnnne self) in my driveway to go to Funk Party (there were two last night - Bohemian House as well as at the usual CAID).. BoHo sucked, no air and too hot. CAID was good, I saw a TON of people that I know. It was weird and good at the exact same time. I slept at Carleys, woke up to her buttcheeks (hot!) and caitlin singing Genesis. All in all it was good.

Today:
AFter seeing some buttcheeks I went home (while listening to Prince of course) and went straight to Russell Street Deli and had great food. :) I also then went to R. Hirtz JR and got some herb roulee for tomorrows party. HEY, who doesn't love good cheeses? I then rushed to EL where I got stuck in traffic for 3 hrs which made me late for my tattoo apointment.. :/ ! I then got a call from Kyle, ... yeah. That's how I feel about that one. ANYWAYS, I came home from the tattoo studio (after falling asleep in the backseat of my brothers girlfriends car) and saw my dad and nephew for the first time since Easter. I love my nephew so much, he's amazing. My dad is equally as amazing.. he gave me the "You're still my little girl and I remember you when you were this young and doing this and this and that." He leaves for cali soon and his foot won't be better by that time. I then went to the movies with Caitlin, Carley, and Matt T. I don't know what I saw some movie with a guy that has a chainsaw for a hand .. I dont know. I fell asleep like 12 times during the movie which was an hour and twenty minutes. I must suck mucho.

I havent talked to artie at all today and it makes me question in the back of my head if everything is alright. For realz though I'm definitely always paranoid. ALWAYS about everything - including Keef coming in, raping me, and then killing me in my loft.



tomorrow: bbq with family and I invited Jon and shopping with pops. I must sleep like NOW though, I'm exhausted and sun burnt.














(p.s. I don't like when I don't talk to him at all throughout the day - busy or not)

i'm sinkin' but i'm floatin' away, throw me a line so I can anchor my pain.

I'm not happy anymore.




I'm never happy anymore.




(ihatethisandiwanttocryoverit)


strong enough to break .. days keep comin' & I keep stumblin'. ... I'm still holdin' on..



i want someone to make me happy, 'cuz it ain't happenin' these days.

I am kind of awesome.


"Georgia, you know that you've been on my mind.
Georgia, we've both learned to compromise.
I'll be there for you, when everybody's coming unglued
I'll be there for you, I won't say you have to choose.

'Cause I don't want to let you go
and I don't want to lose you slowly.
I just want to let you know
that it's only just a lil' back and forth lately.

(a lil' back and forth)

Georgia, I'll be chasin' you the rest of my life.
Georgia, welcome to the rollercoaster ride.
When I come to you, I know that you'll help me get through.
I'll be there for you, we both know
we could never choose.

'Cause I don't want to let you go.."

two days until detroit and it's to the point where I dont know what to feel anymore.

HANSON

Okay, so I so totally just saw Hanson. The girl behind me in line cried when she met them. You're 20+ .. come on. Death you can cry over. Female problems you can cry over. Failing a class you can cry over. Three people who are the same as you is NOT acceptable to cry over. Maybe I'm just a big huge douchebag and Hanson fans really really bother me, despite their screaming and stuff (which is fantastic, give the band some feedback) they're just catty, jealous, psycho girls that has it out for the person in front of them instead of just enjoying the music. While, guys, infact it is about the music. "The music lives" .. if that's the case, does being first in line and pushing and shoving people over at any expense really matter? It's about the music not about if Taylor sweats on you in concert (which reminds me of Angela G.'s sweat towel from the *NSYNC concert that we went to in high school).. Yeah, I understand wanting to shake their hand as they walk by or catching a drum stick (WHICH COULD VERY WELL BE DANGEROUS) .. I am just often times disgusted with these 20+ girls.

Lets see though, this concert wasn't bad, there was no shoving, a lot of screaming (but that's okay because it's a concert), and thankfully there were no girls in Wheelchairs getting pushed and shoved like in Detroit (maybe we're just dirrrrrtier in the D). I met some cool girls, so psychos, a lot of people there don't like one another I realized.

I also realized that Hanson fans are similar in a sense, everyone was putting on make-up in line before they got their cd's signed (except myself .. I smell really stinky and not even make up would benefit me at that point) annnnnnd I was one of the only people in the concert that was not singing a long. The CD came out today, I don't know how these girls knew ALL the words already. They're impressive and I guess I am just... well not.



I video taped most of it in honor of caitlin rollin' deep in the dirty d still. :)

Miss New York or New Mexico was in front of me in line to get a cd signed. She was a douchebag and just complained about her hair and joked about how Taylor dresses better than everyone (which he very well does).. but.. I dont know. They just bother me. Speaking of, I model tomorrow in the early early earrrrrly am. UGH. Scared. I got my hair cut so hopefully it'll be good and I wont look ridiculously awful. I have a bug bite on my cheek and my nose is dry.

(gross) (gross) (gross) (i look gross)

four days more.

... i miss him ... :/

i look like I got hit by a bus in this photo.

I on the otherhand, recently, have been looking marvelous apparently.


I know I'm repatitive, but I really honestly cant help it.

oh and..

I always wondered if taylor made those noises and squirmed around like that during sex.


I guess I'll never know.

rolla'coasta of ... not love like in Beavis & Butthead but of .. !?!?!?!

which we did infact have the Beavis and Butthead SEGA game growing up. I still don't know how Pie (of all people) figured out the code so we could always win. Hey, who doesn't like deep-frying rats?

I always have this fear that I'm getting in the way of people living their lives. More specifically Artie's life. I don't like calling him because I always fear that I'm just calling at the wrong time or that I'm doing this or doing that, and he has so much going on as it is; I'm just a burden.

I know that's probably not how anyone but myself sees it, but I can't help it. I don't want to ruin a good thing or what will hopefully evolve into a good thing.

ANYWHO let me tell you

last night, Kyle called (of all people) and I didn't answer. He left me a voicemail, which he never ever does, rarely did he do it when we were dating even. Anyways, so the voicemail said "Hey Lindsay, It's Kyle ... [long long pause and then a long sigh] I don't want to lose contact with you [pause] just .. call me back." So after picking up Andrew's chocolate cake I called him back, he didn't answer.. Anyways, I'll cut to the chase.. we finally ended our phone tag and talked to one another. I feel bad for him, he is no longer friends with his original gang because they were doing all these crazy drugs and drinking too much for his liking. Fine, okay, I understand. So now all he has is Margo (his girlfriend) and I guess that is it. We talked for about a half an hour and then I was going through Artie-withdraws (and he called while I was on the phone with Kyle) .. so I got off the phone with Kyle and gave artie a jingle.

I am retarded and misunderstood something and got really super terribly upset.. like to the point of crying (really, how lame..) last night as well as this afternoon when I was thinking about it. It's weird to think about how much I like this person and I don't really even know him. I don't know what my problem is. I'm deeply in like with someone I know nothing about. I don't want to lose this person before I have the chance to show him who I am as well as before I even have him. It's a weird feeling that I'm going through that I haven't yet experienced. I hope all works out for the best and that we can work through being way far apart from each other.. Well, Jersey to Brooklyn isn't THAT far.. but still.

more than anything I want him in my bed with me just so I can wake up and feel happy and liked.


what an amazing person...


I can't help but thinking about Kyle though, if he's okay. I don't want to lose contact with him either.. he knows me. I just don't know him anymore.


However, I'm ready for the next chapter to begin in my life. bring it.

be bop

yay for presents. I bought a new iPod.


School starts soon. I got my grades for my two summer classes, I got an A- and a B, I'm very proud of myself.

I got tested today and my arm still hurts. It's life and well worth it.. I'm feelin' good.

11 days ..!

I'm more excited to see you than .. EVER.

I hope that you're as excited to see me as I am to see you. <3.

I love That 70s Show.

I'm going to cook some pasta with chicken and tomatos.

Today, I looked smashing and a worker at american apparel loved it to.. ha. It felt good. I look great in my new ensemble for when I see you.


I want to take yo' breath away and shock you. I want you to be proud to say 'this is lindsay.. ' and flash a smile.

... the feet in my head never stopping running ...

pulled pork.

Pies N Thighs last night. Delicious.

My favorite breakfast spot before work, Terry's Coffee shop is closing down for a month starting tomorrow to do rennovations.
What am I supposed to eat and drink in the morning? I certainly can't deep fry my own sausages. Although I wish I had a deep frier because I would make sweet potato french fries like EVERY day. (i love me some sweet potato french fries)

I got a new email address, I can't afford my .mac account anymore (which sucks).. $100.00 a year is a lot of money. SOOO, if anyone needs to email me do so at hamilton.lindsaym@gmail.com . I've buckled down and got an official non ridick. sounding email address. Old age is knocking on my door and I'm slowly letting 'em in.

I realize that sitting with my legs open while wearing a dress is inappropriate but it is so comfortable. Especially with no shoes on.
Oooohh Oooooh.

detroit - 12 days.
artie - 12 days.
tattoo (3rd) - 13 days.
Eastern Market / Russell St. Deli - 13 days.
Becker's 21st Bday Party - 13 days.
BBQ - 14 days
Big Breakfast Sunday - 14 days.
doctor / dentist / eye exam - 15 days.
((my time at home is packed and I'm so happy.))


no no no, I won't leave you. you mustn't worry, I would never.

((this is why I love where I live))

the whole time I was standing there, I wished that you were there to see how alive the city is and to see how amazing things can be. oh yeah, and to just be wandering around with me too.

catorce dias mas.

i'm not pretty.. nor am I shinning bright.



restless.

sixteen days & counting.

<3 could you come home?


different note: a very special person wrote me a poem.. I dug it up (because I saved it on Word) and decided to share.

Vanity Fair – Gabe Downey

How are you feeling, Vanity Fair?
Dispatch your own smile to me.
Even though you seem weathered,
I'm more than convinced.
You're exactly the way you should be.

What are you seeing, Vanity Fair?
A shroud of brightness surrounds you.
An attempt to make sense,
of the world we inhabit.
Will never cease to astound you.

Where are you going, Vanity Fair?
Where are you needing to be?
Show me some adolescence,
I'll think you divine.
I hope, with my heart, you are free.

Who are you loving, Vanity Fair?
What can you feel from above?
You weren't wrong to assume,
That you are worth more.
For you are why, lovers love.

Your heartbeat is strong now, Vanity Fair.
Your heartbeat a song from the start.
But all the love in the world,
if our race was to be unfurled.
Wouldn't match the love in your heart.

I've yet to see the beauty of heaven.
In all its angelic despair.
But I'm sure I'd get a glimpse,
even for a short while.
If you'd give me a smile, Vanity Fair.

the alarm is going off... still.

I got new silver shoes today. I love them more than .. saltines. Not saltines with nutella though, I love those more.

I rode in a subway car with no air conditioning and I almost died.. I then transferred cars.


today was a good day.

do you remember the time?

yes, I quoted Michael Jackson (my hero).

I forgot to post something that I realized this morning .. wow I need to get friends to tell my feelings to.


I realized (as the girl from Texas was sneaking out of B's room) that I would rather have someone that actually cares about me (even if they're far away) and have someone to go back to again and again than to have a one night stand.. or not even a one night stand but a friend.. .. I don't know where I'm going with this.

I just like having someone that is going to be there for me...

home sweet home, bica.

Yesterday was eventful.

swept. watched the hanging of photos for the show. deleted all messages from my phone (including texts). drank sparks. drank colt 45. saw catherine & noah. met aziz from MTV. met daniello from San Fran. worked. ate a delicious grilled cheese with herb goat cheese.

I saw a girl crying while walking down the street yesterday and all that I could think of was "what is the matter with her?" and "is she crying a happy cry or a sad one?" I thought about it was I walked towards the train stop. Her brother or dad could have died or she could have seen the butterfly that just flew by me and thought it was absolutely stunning. I doubt it was the later. I certainly hope that it wasn't the first thought either.

I kept walking.

pigeons walk really awkwardly and then I thought what if I walked like a pigeon; mainly when it hops on to the curb from the street. Wouldn't that be weird and delightful at the same time?

I think of the weirdest things EVER.

I rode the J home, ate food that wasn't good, put on my RUN DMC shirt and my adidas (had to do it) and came back to work.

I had a sparks headache going to sleep last night and there were two blonde gals from Texas that liked laughing a lot (which is fine usually but not at 3am). I fell asleep after Brandon took one to his "room" (his space defined by two cardboard boxes that were made into walls).


I have seen my first mosquito of the year and he disappeared on me .. after he bit me of course.


a lot of the Hasidic Jewish men are wearing their fur winter hats today, it's hot though!

Lindzeralien.

I hang out upside down.

Conversation with a customer at BKI today:

man approached the register : "Hey, you have big, beautiful, blue eyes."
me : ".. uh... thanks."
man at the register : "yeah, they're alien like and I like that!"
me : " .. uhhh ... "
man at the register : "are you hiring?"
me : " .. uhh .. I don't think so."


so apparently I'm ugly (?!) .

happy birfdai umm-erica.

a few photos to express how I feel:



Congrats on making it to year 231, hopefully we can continue growing and belittling everyone else except our pals in NAFTA and China (which is soon going to have a free trade agreement with the USA).


Yay cheap labor.



i miss artie ... a lot.





I'm still going to join the Peace Corp... you can say 'ello to me in Africa in a few years.




goodnight all.

ci.

hi ho, hi ho, I hope B gets up so we can go!

testing ! a-woooon-hun , a-taaa-whooo, a-free. a-free.

I am giving this a test.

I miss people, things (specifically having a life), and food back at home.

I will eventually make this pretty cool, unfortunately I don't have the time or the will to right now (forgive me, it's late).


I will be going home on July 27th to see a beautiful boy, Artimus Prime, !


When I go home, I will get tattooed (yes, again) as well as DANCE.





tomorrow is my day off and I promised myself Coney Island. We'll see.



Saiyonara for now, peepz.