which we did infact have the Beavis and Butthead SEGA game growing up. I still don't know how Pie (of all people) figured out the code so we could always win. Hey, who doesn't like deep-frying rats?
I always have this fear that I'm getting in the way of people living their lives. More specifically Artie's life. I don't like calling him because I always fear that I'm just calling at the wrong time or that I'm doing this or doing that, and he has so much going on as it is; I'm just a burden.
I know that's probably not how anyone but myself sees it, but I can't help it. I don't want to ruin a good thing or what will hopefully evolve into a good thing.
ANYWHO let me tell you
last night, Kyle called (of all people) and I didn't answer. He left me a voicemail, which he never ever does, rarely did he do it when we were dating even. Anyways, so the voicemail said "Hey Lindsay, It's Kyle ... [long long pause and then a long sigh] I don't want to lose contact with you [pause] just .. call me back." So after picking up Andrew's chocolate cake I called him back, he didn't answer.. Anyways, I'll cut to the chase.. we finally ended our phone tag and talked to one another. I feel bad for him, he is no longer friends with his original gang because they were doing all these crazy drugs and drinking too much for his liking. Fine, okay, I understand. So now all he has is Margo (his girlfriend) and I guess that is it. We talked for about a half an hour and then I was going through Artie-withdraws (and he called while I was on the phone with Kyle) .. so I got off the phone with Kyle and gave artie a jingle.
I am retarded and misunderstood something and got really super terribly upset.. like to the point of crying (really, how lame..) last night as well as this afternoon when I was thinking about it. It's weird to think about how much I like this person and I don't really even know him. I don't know what my problem is. I'm deeply in like with someone I know nothing about. I don't want to lose this person before I have the chance to show him who I am as well as before I even have him. It's a weird feeling that I'm going through that I haven't yet experienced. I hope all works out for the best and that we can work through being way far apart from each other.. Well, Jersey to Brooklyn isn't THAT far.. but still.
more than anything I want him in my bed with me just so I can wake up and feel happy and liked.
what an amazing person...
I can't help but thinking about Kyle though, if he's okay. I don't want to lose contact with him either.. he knows me. I just don't know him anymore.
However, I'm ready for the next chapter to begin in my life. bring it.
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