I need attention.

I need attention and I want to be spoiled.

oh me! oh my!

school is going well so far, granted I'm only two days into it. I like both of my teachers that I've had.

my tooth still hurts. The past dentist didn't do the proper work on me and so my filling chipped and I had to get it redone. My tooth really really still hurts so I hope that they did the right thing.

Ugh.

It's 9:32 and I may go to sleep. I'm exhausted. Getting up at 6:45am is hard to do!

2nd post today - WAHOOZlE!

The things people tell sales associates. This fellow Michigander came to me, at two seperate times during the day (she left the store and came back to make purchases) told me about from when she was a wee tot to what she is going through (sexually abused by more than one family member) all the way up to getting healed and talking to her psychic friend in Seatle, WA. It was really weird and I didn't know how to respond.




I wish that upon noone. Family is supposed to be something and people you can always fall back on not something you fear or feel uncomfortable around. I love every member of my family whether or not we get along, I know that we will always have each other's backs no matter what.



I also got a cd from a Mennonite on the subway. They were singing, swaying, and all the men were wearing plaid button down tops. They said I was observant, I declared that I went to fashion school and ran off of the train. It was an interesting ride home. I turned my iPod up. I didn't know that there were Mennonites in New York City, let alone having a church on Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn. I always saw them in the really densely populated areas of Michigan, due to their lack of driving and living in an Amish type way. Different strokes for different folks.


the lead man stepped on my foot and did not apologize. I told my mom this to my mom and her response was "Are you sure they were Mennonites, Lindsay? They're very respectful." The cd says Mennonite as well as PREPARE TO DIE! hahahaha! I also told my mom that I wanted to visit their church and her response was "You'd ask too many questions and make them question their religion. They'd kick you out." I then said " Yeah, plus I don't have the proper attire."

Thank heaven for..

7-11 .. no that's not it.


a week left of madness. school starts up again on Monday. I need to figure out what classes I'm actually taking. Meeting with old professors to get some recommendations signed..

I am off to Italy next fall. I don't know if anyone will miss me, but that's okay. I will have to make a lot of money this summer .. and save nearly all of it to go, but I don't care. I want sleezy I-talian men to lick my face at the clubs, I want to eat a whole pizza, and I want to travel around the rest of Europe with great ease. I want something different, something new, something exciting.


blah blah blah. my life is so mudaine.


work, work, work, al, bcc, work, work, school, work, work, school, school, school, work wor wo w wwwa.

12 days more. for good. really good.

sometimes I feel like I am just getting in the way. I don't like being on the back burner, but I know my place at this time. back burner.


It's this weird feeling. I'm okay with it. Very okay with it. Who knows what my deal is, I think I've just become comfortable with myself and super busy, so I don't really have time to dwell on the fact that we don't communicate.

I doesn't bother me, thank goodness.

you dont care about me anymore.

Well, today in the streets of New York (57th and Broadway area) I got in a verbal fight with a woman who is clearly nuts.

I was talking too loud on the street (?!) while walking to the bus stop, which apparently is HIGHLY unacceptable in her book. She then started talking crap under her breath so I said "excuse me?" She then said that I was screaming in her ear, when I was not even near her whatsoever and thennn.. she got all crazy told me that I was a cow/sow (same thing), that I was ugly, I have big eyes, I'm a spoiled bitch, and "fuck you!" (pardon my french).

You know what, no matter how crazy this woman is, she made me feel like shit. I know I'm not attractive, however I know that I am NOT fat in the least bit. But with someone saying that to me, it makes me doubt myself. On top of having low self esteem to begin with a woman screaming down the street while pulling her eyelids apart from each other to symbolize big eyes makes me feel like total shit.


Oh and she must have been in her 40s.









this made me cry and no matter if she was crazy or not I still hate how I look.

19 more days.

you'll
be in
m y
arms
once
more
...<3



thank you for being there for me and treating me how I feel I should be treated, with respect.

i cant think of the right words to say

not the exact version, but it will have to do. Oh cat power - you dawg you. you dawg.

:)

caitlin is here.


bar hopping now.

goodbye.

I
am
dead.

i'm for real about to punch someone.

I love Pat Benatar - for realz.


so Nuwan threw something on my bed and I don't want it so I threw it back to him. Then while he was talking to Andrew and B he said that I threw it back like the whore that I am. I chimed in and said not to call me that and that it wasn't funny. He said it was supposed to be funny.

This is why I don't want to live with him anymore.




GOD NOVEMBER GET HERE! I want walls and to not live with a person who treats me like shit.



carley and caitlin on FRIDAY!!! woohoo!

kyle.

OKAY FOR REAL NOW,

why does he keep letting me back into his life to be friends and then slamming the door in my face. When I tell him I give up on this friendship that I try to keep going he pulls me back in and says crap that he doesnt want to lose connections with me and yada yada and to be honest, what does it even matter anymore? A friendship or any kind of -ship is not one where one person pulls all of the weight and the other twiddles their thumbs. I once again have given up on this. In all honesty, I don't want to be friends with him anymore at all.. because I don't think this is a friendship more like I'm worried that he's dead in the gutter somewhere and I would never know because he won't get back to me.

Last Friday (or Fryday according to Lupita's in Mexicantown) he called me like 4 times and sent me text messages upon text messages when I was trying to get my night going for Artie (getting a new phone, sushi and thai food all set, parking, directions -- which I still got lost, financial situations aka getting money from my mom because Im 'po'). Like I understood that he wanted me to call him back - no need for two text messages asking me to do so. I get the point, I'm a good friend, I'll get back to you when I have a free second. Okay, his girlfriend cheated on him and then broke up with him.. Karma sucks, doesn't it? I guess I tried to console the kid as best as I know how (not very well) but.. whatever. Next day it was the same thing until mid day. Since then, I've called him to make sure he is not dead somewhere in the gutter but he won't return my calls at all.

Okay, I give up. I'm tired of worrying about him, I tired of just being there when he needs me to be there but him not being there when I need him to be. I need the reassurance that he is fine, especially after he is so distraught.


Turns out he is back with the girl that cheated on him and that's why he's not calling me. .. Well, sucka' friendship is a two way street and I'm not down with myself being the only one driving on it.










friends can suck a lot.

Imma fool and I don't care.

you feel like liberation.
you give me new sensation.
you showed me what I needed.
you are my life completed.

can't stop, cant brake, who's driving?
sometimes there's no denying..
'til today I feel I can't lose, I'm letting go of what I knew.


Um, my new tattoo is peeling. hot. I have a tan. hot.


here are things I like (in list form): things I don't like:
+boys -facial hair less boys
+facial hair -red wine
+dancing -sushi
+beer -mosquito bites and mosquitos
+mixed drinks -being lonely
+music -having no money
+photographs (sometimes with myself in them) -crying
+friends -sleeping alone
+clothing -being bored
+shopping -working alone
+my parents -driving
+parties -getting hurt (physically, mentally, and emotionally)
+wandering around -looking really ugly / bad.
+holding members of the opposite sex in my bed.
+being liked
+looking pretty
+being hairy
+hanson
+dogs
+FACIAL HAIR
+concerts (with non annoying fans)
+people who dress well
+degrassi
+being really weird.



yeah.. :) I'm only lonely for less than a month more.

last night I saw a shooting star while I was on my roof crying.

Today a butterfly landed on me at work, it freaked me out at first. I then realized that everything was going to be okay.


Today is going to be okay.


I am going to be okay.



ps - I love spanish diners especially ones with Morir Soñando. It's fresh oj + milk + sugar + ice and I wish that everyone could enjoy this as much as I do.

OH HOW I LIKE THE DOMINICAN AND ALL OF THE DELICIOUS TREATS!

August 1st - SCHOOL STARTS SOON!

artie is back in exactly ONE month from touring around this country and living the crazy life. I am excited more than anything. School starts in 27 days and I need to discuss with my dad somethings, which I am NOT looking forward to. Ugh. I'm wearing new jeans and I have to check Hanson tour dates. I don't want to go without Slops because she and I are hanson partners.. but whatever happens, happens.

I'm back in Crooklyn and things are going well. I miss Detroit already but I am happy to be back and on my own at the same time. Parties in the D are always fun.



well.. hanson once again sums up my feelings and taylor feels the urge to kick the chair into isaac. woo, rockin'. ha.